One day I was scrolling down my timeline on Facebook and I came across a post from Tia Mowry about her struggle with losing her postpartum weight. She explained how her insecurities would get the best of her when she looked at other moms bodies who shrunk back down to normal size after child birth. She was seven weeks postpartum and she still looked like she was still carrying a baby. It was her second C-section and both times her body didn’t shrink back down to her body goals.
I can totally relate to how Tia feels. Both of my pregnancy I had to have C-sections and both times I weighed over 150lbs. My first pregnancy it took me a few years to lose my postpartum weight. I felt my stomach fat just wouldn’t go away. I gained more weight after having my son Ayden due to being on birth control. I was wearing a size 16. It caused me a lot of insecurities and depression. I was young and didn’t feel beautiful anymore. My body was changing and I didn’t understand why. It was a long rode to self discovery for me. I had to learn that I was beautiful on the inside and outside. I had to love myself for who I was instead of who I thought I seen in the mirror. I became the home body who never wanted to go hang out with her friends and all I did was work.
When I looked at other moms around me who were my age or older I would see them have their babies and their bodies were SNATCHED, looking amazing and I couldn’t understand for the life of me why my body didn’t do the same. My body doesn’t allow me to lose weight fast like others. It’s a process of eating healthy and working out for me but as a working mom I don’t always have the time to do both. So I have to embrace my right now, my situation, my body, myself as it is right now. I know my body goals will be what I want it be but not right after giving birth.
I had to make myself realize this past pregnancy that 1. I had just given birth to TWO healthy big boys. 2. I have to give my body time to heal on it’s on. Instead of worrying about how I look I should enjoy and reflect on the beauty of being a mother. How I was not like most moms, I got to experience carrying two humans within my body. So whatever happened to my body after labor I would embrace it and love myself. I’m not saying it was easy, that first look in the mirror was depressing in my eyes. I complained a couple of times but my boyfriend, the father of my children reminded me that he loved me regardless of how I looked or felt. After that I told myself I would never look down upon myself again.
Pregnancy is a beautiful thing. It’s something that should be embraced and a happy moment for new parents. When you see a mother who had just given birth remind her that she is beautiful. You never know what she may be going through. Battling with herself on self love. Motherhood is not defined by how we look, but how we love and provide for our children. They love us and feel we are beautiful to them. Love yourself as you are right now and make the changes when the time is right. Remember, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL JUST THE WAY YOU ARE MAMA 💕
At what age did/will you sit your son down and give him the “talk”? I’m not talking about the “birds and the bees” talk but the “Being a black man in America” talk. I am a mother of three handsome African Americans boys and I know that one day the time is going to come where I am going to have to sit them down and have this talk with them. The sad thing is they won’t understand why we have to have this conversation until they get older and experience it on their own.
My oldest son will be turning 8 years old come October and it wasn’t until my mother reminded me that the time is coming to sit him down and have the “talk” with him. On how Philando Castile was shot and killed while his girlfriend and daughter were in the car, how Alton Sterling was killed in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, and the police who shot him were never held accountable for his murder, or Eric Garner who was choked to death while saying “I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe.” I will have to teach him that everything is not equal. He doesn’t get to go out and act a fool. He can’t do the same things as some of his white buddies because the risks are too high for him to be killed. He’ll have to understand that he was born a target, this is not something that happened over night. He comes from a long list of black brothers who’ve had to experience the same fears. When the police pulls him over he can’t talk to them any way he wants. To protect his life he will have to keep your hands above his head or on the stirring wheel. He will have to ask before he grabs his licenses and registration because the color of his skin is portrayed as violent.
The subject is touchy, uncomfortable, and heartbreaking. It’s the raw truth us as black parents have to face. No parent should have to fear for the safety of their children all because of the color of their skin. l know it may not be fair, but I would rather have my sons humbled than harmed.
I grew up in a predominantly white neighborhood and I seen how hard it was for my only brother to realize that it wasn’t because of who he was that he wasn’t able to do the same things as his white friends but because of the skin color he was born with. My sons will know that when I call their phones they HAVE to pick up because I worry about them not making it back home. They will always have to work twice as hard to be treated half as equal. Statistics show that the older they get the more likely it is they will become victims of violence. They will also be seen as a suspect, but for no other reason than being a black male. That hanging out with one or more of their black friends outside will be seen as “a gang" rather than friends hanging out. It will depend on who's watching them, if they will be considered "a threat" or not.
It frustrating as a black woman because I often feel I don't have the right to display my outrage at the wrongdoers. If I yell at them to protect my sons it will be portrayed as the angry black woman not as the mother who is fighting for equal rights for her children. Being a mother of three black boys, I have to be extra in making sure they understand how their presence can make others feel threatened, while at the same time help them understand they have value and a purpose. I have to have a conversation with them about how they will be considered as "fit the description”. Sometimes the reason for being pulled over is because you're just driving while being black. As parents our goal should be raising a boy in America, not raising a black boy in America. We live in a world where our sons will be presumed guilty the moment he is born.
I realized that it’s a harsh reality and something black parents have to face every single day. It will be uncomfortable to talk about but the only way we can grow is to be uncomfortable. Yes, it’s heartbreaking that the “talk” has to even happen but it's the world that we live in. We have to protect our sons and protecting them means having these hard conversations with them. Our sons and daughters are the future, we need them, we love them, we know them.