How honored I am to be able to share 25 of those years with you. The light of my life. My moon and the stars. My balance of peace and dedication. The woman I strive to be better than but some times falls short. The listener, teacher, spokesperson, chairman. The glue, tape, and the staples. The fixer. You have all the answers and even if you don’t you’ll figure it out. My mother, my queen, my best friend.
Today the world rises and sets on you. I want to say THANK YOU for being whatever I needed you to be at any given moment. Thank you for being my therapist if needed. Thank you for molding me into the woman and mother I am today. When I’m falling short you are there to pick me up and remind me who I am and my purpose. When my life is falling apart you are there to help me fix it. When I need wine after a long day of work, you have the glass ready.
See.. My mother is my best friend but it has it’s limits. She’s the type of best friend that you can’t really do everything with her but when you need her she is always there. We talk on the phone daily, some times for hours. We laugh together, cry together, & spend a lot of time together. She is there for me in some of my worst times. She knows the real me from inside and out. She knows my heart, attitude, & abilities. When I first became a mother at the young age of 17 my mother didn’t encourage the situation but supported me. I didn’t have to be afraid to come to my mother, she actually came to me. She didn’t make me go to appointments alone, she held my hand. I didn’t have to go through labor alone, she scrubbed up, and told me everything was going to be fine. My mother taught me how to be a survivor. She taught me to remember that “Tomorrow is Tomorrow” so I never had to worry about it.
I can never pay you back for all that you do for me and my boys but I promise you when I’m able you’ll never have to work again. I hope when I’m 50 I’ll be looking half as good as you.. Happy Fabulous 50 Queen💕
Have you been struggling trying to make ends meet? You work every day, get paid, and your check is gone before it even hits your account? Have you ever been so low that you’ve had nothing and could do nothing but drop to your knees and pray for a better situation, to be able to make it through the rest of the week, for a blessing or a miracle? Have you ever went to bed hungry so your child could eat?
It’s been a long, stressful, hard four months for me and my family. After giving birth to my twins I was off work almost 8 weeks with no pay. My boyfriend worked 16 hr days for six months before having our babies so when they were born he decided to quit his job so he could be home to help me especially since I had a c-section. Our original plan was to save money from our taxes but life hit us on a rainy day so we had to make other plans. I worked until I was 37.5 weeks pregnant (5 days before my scheduled c-section). We needed to pay a few bills up since we knew I wouldn’t be getting paid. We were doing fine.
It was not until I went back to work when things began to take a turn. My first check I was to receive after being back at work did not come for a whole TWO weeks causing me to fall short. Rent was due, lg&e was due, car payment was behind (they truly worked with me) and my insurance had canceled. I had to make choices on the bills I needed to pay. My top priority was rent because I have way to many babies to be homeless. So I let the LG&E go without being paid thinking I could make it until the next week. Well I didn’t make it to the next week, lights were off. It was at this moment I knew I had hit my lowest. I was embarrassed and ashamed all I could do was cry. I knew that I was going to have to do something I truly hated doing “Ask for help”. I didn’t get paid for another week and my babies could not be with no electricity. My mother helped me but also had me go to one of those churches for assistance. At first I was like “Hell no, ain’t nobody going to catch me begging”. She put me in my place real quick. She explained to me that it was not about me, it was about my children. It takes a REAL mother to step aside and ask for help. She made me realize that I was never too good for help. So I went down there and got my assistance. It just so happened one of her long term friends worked there and got me every kind of assistance possible. It helped me but it didn’t fix my situation completely.
I am still struggling to this day. Some days I have $0 until I get paid. I can’t always afford gas and my refrigerator is sometimes empty (I don’t get food stamps) so we eat at my parents, boyfriends grandma or we eat out. I don’t always have lunch to send my son to school with like he use to. The bills are still coming and some are still behind. I may look like I have it all together but in reality I don’t. I am a work in progress though. Somehow I always seem to make the ends meet. My boyfriend is a stay at home dad/college student. I work two jobs so he can finish school. While I was in school I didn’t work and he handled everything so now I’m returning the favor. It’s not always easy and some days it’s hard for him to see me work so hard but I remind him that we’re doing this for him and his future.
We’re doing just fine. We see the light at the end of the tunnel. God has always been on our side. We could have lost everything but we didn’t. We know there is people in worst situations than us. So we wake up humble ready to accomplish each day. God has to break us down to build us back up. I never knew what it was like to be struggling with three kids because I only had one, but I’m glad God is showing me because I know it’s a feeling I never want to feel again. We have our children to keep us going. Tough times don’t last forever, tough people do 💪🏿🤞🏿❤️
In today’s society there is so much talk about mothers and how they manage their social lives. As mothers we are expected to handle everything. We are the ones who our children look to the most. Between work, school, cooking, cleaning, after school activities, & more we often don’t get the time to go out and have a good time. It’s more of a hassle to go out for drinks & enjoy the little free time we do get.
I’ve seen way too many posts about how mothers should be home with their children instead of going out every weekend (like we’re not home with our babies everyday during the week). Some mothers are single mothers with no help from the father or any other outside support. Most of us like myself are young still in our 20’s or 30’s although we are mothers we still deserve to have a social life. I remember a time I thought that if I wasn’t working, at school, or taking care of my son then there was no need for anyone to see me out. I felt like I was not handling my responsibilities if I was out partying with my friends (most of my friends didn’t have children). I felt my life had to revolve around being a mother and that only. I was so wrong.
It’s more of a double standard especially in co-parenting families when it comes to situations like this. Why is it that fathers can go out with no one complaining and mothers are criticized? Fathers can play part time parent while mothers are required to be there 24/7? Why is it fathers feel like they are “babysitting” when it’s their own child? A father can walk away from his family and go make a new family, but let a mother decide she’s done and walks away. Oh how the world would stop and she be the worst person on earth.
Mothers deserve a break. We are the ones who keep everything together. If mother is sick then who covers for her? When she’s tired who covers for her? Mothers are superhero’s but even superhero’s need to recharge. She needs those times with her girl friends to have a drink or five. Those nights away from the kids to feel young again. She can let her hair down, act crazy, dance, sing, & just be free for one night. ONE NIGHT is all we ask for. She shouldn’t have to feel guilty for having a good time or worry getting dirty looks for others. If the bills are paid, house is cleaned, babies have everything they need & she handled all her responsibilities as a mother than I say YES MAMA! GO HAVE THOSE DRINKS AND DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY.. I’ll meet you there ❤️
One day I was scrolling down my timeline on Facebook and I came across a post from Tia Mowry about her struggle with losing her postpartum weight. She explained how her insecurities would get the best of her when she looked at other moms bodies who shrunk back down to normal size after child birth. She was seven weeks postpartum and she still looked like she was still carrying a baby. It was her second C-section and both times her body didn’t shrink back down to her body goals.
I can totally relate to how Tia feels. Both of my pregnancy I had to have C-sections and both times I weighed over 150lbs. My first pregnancy it took me a few years to lose my postpartum weight. I felt my stomach fat just wouldn’t go away. I gained more weight after having my son Ayden due to being on birth control. I was wearing a size 16. It caused me a lot of insecurities and depression. I was young and didn’t feel beautiful anymore. My body was changing and I didn’t understand why. It was a long rode to self discovery for me. I had to learn that I was beautiful on the inside and outside. I had to love myself for who I was instead of who I thought I seen in the mirror. I became the home body who never wanted to go hang out with her friends and all I did was work.
When I looked at other moms around me who were my age or older I would see them have their babies and their bodies were SNATCHED, looking amazing and I couldn’t understand for the life of me why my body didn’t do the same. My body doesn’t allow me to lose weight fast like others. It’s a process of eating healthy and working out for me but as a working mom I don’t always have the time to do both. So I have to embrace my right now, my situation, my body, myself as it is right now. I know my body goals will be what I want it be but not right after giving birth.
I had to make myself realize this past pregnancy that 1. I had just given birth to TWO healthy big boys. 2. I have to give my body time to heal on it’s on. Instead of worrying about how I look I should enjoy and reflect on the beauty of being a mother. How I was not like most moms, I got to experience carrying two humans within my body. So whatever happened to my body after labor I would embrace it and love myself. I’m not saying it was easy, that first look in the mirror was depressing in my eyes. I complained a couple of times but my boyfriend, the father of my children reminded me that he loved me regardless of how I looked or felt. After that I told myself I would never look down upon myself again.
Pregnancy is a beautiful thing. It’s something that should be embraced and a happy moment for new parents. When you see a mother who had just given birth remind her that she is beautiful. You never know what she may be going through. Battling with herself on self love. Motherhood is not defined by how we look, but how we love and provide for our children. They love us and feel we are beautiful to them. Love yourself as you are right now and make the changes when the time is right. Remember, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL JUST THE WAY YOU ARE MAMA 💕